


Challenge Accepted

by This_Is_Sarcasm



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Garrus and Javik EXTREME buddycop AU, Garrus in a corvette is the only reason you need to read this, Gen, Here be bromance, Property Damage in the extreme, This was written on a dare, muuuuuuurder, you can't handle this fanfiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 10:26:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13762161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_Is_Sarcasm/pseuds/This_Is_Sarcasm
Summary: The Garrus and Javik Buddycop fic that nobody asked for. Starring Garrus Vakarian, as The Wildcard; Javik, as the Killjoy Partner; Julia Shepard, as The Chief; Kasumi Goto, as That Guy in the Chair; and Feron, as the Incompetent Secretary. Their mission? Fight crime, throw pineapples, rinse, and repeat. Oh, and cause property damage, of course!"Chief!" Garrus bellowed, arms spread wide. "I have to say, you look ravishing this morning! What's that perfume I smell?""Your doom." she responded, eyes narrowed. And just like that, the turian's usual fire was gone. "Sit.""Is this about letting Javik kneecap that one guy? Because he totally deserved it; he's been good all week, I swear. Plus, they guy was running-""Shut up, Detective."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Fanfiction.net as a dare from another author. We were talking about Javik, and she said something along the lines of 'yeah, a Javik and Garrus buddycop would make a great blockbuster'. I agreed. Then, she dared me to write this. So... here we are!  
> Comments will be replied to in beginning Authors notes of each chapter. Also, if anyone knows how to make linebreaks on this site, or center text... that would be great to know!  
> Enjoy, and Fare Thee Well!

It was a generally peaceful morning. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the traffic was very, very light.

Which was a good thing, because the peace was about to be shattered into a million tiny pieces as oncoming sirens got louder and louder, and the black four-wheeler drifted around the corner. In it, several gangsters were shouting at each other, mostly about the vehicle pursuing them. Most people wouldn't think a red vintage corvette is that frightening, but when said corvette contained Normandy PD's top pair of detectives, you typically reached for the nearest sub-machine gun and immediately opened fire.

And that's what they did, as the convertible came around the corner with it's driver putting the petal to the metal. He was a turian; young, with blue colony markings, and a pair of shades from a brand that would make anyone jealous. The bandolier where his sidearm was holstered was shamelessly visible, and the web of scars on his face only further served the 'tough cop' look. Garrus Vakarian was, in his own mind, the total package.

His partner was a more exotic specimen, but also wore his weapons in full view, for Javik believed intimidation depended on initial presentation. That didn't mean he didn't have any hidden knives on his person, because one never knew when they might be captured, and disarmed of all obvious weapons. Of course, there was only so much you could do to disarm a biotic.

Which was why the bullets didn't do much to Garrus' baby, aside from bounce off the barrier the prothean had formed at the front of the vehicle.

"Javik, put a bullet up their tailpipe!" Garrus shouted over the gunfire(and the Redbone song that was playing over the radio).

"I am occupied with stopping bullets." the prothean shot back. "If you had listened to me earlier, they would be dead now!"

"Dead!?" he gave his partner a look. "Dude, we're supposed to bring them in, not kill them!"

"The Chief did not specify she wanted them alive."

"Well, when she gives us a case, you should assume she wants the criminals alive!"

"In my cycle, criminals were publicly executed."

"How about we meet halfway; you have to bring them in alive, but not necessarily in one piece."

"That can be done."

"Just make sure the neighborhood comes out in one piece; that's all Shep's asking from you guys." Kasumi's voice reminded from over the scanner.

"Hold that thought, Kas. SHORTCUT INCOMING!" Garrus swerved his car over the nearby sidewalk and through a stretch of the nearby park, cutting a significant corner, and running over a trashcan, a doggy bag station, and several highway cones as he did so. Talons working quickly, he made sure his car was facing the oncoming jeep, before pulling his sidearm, standing, and firing, Javik doing so as well.

Both the front tires of the gang ride exploded, and the prothean followed up the attack by flipping the vehicle with his biotics. It skidded past them on it's side, and Garrus hopped out as groans rose from the carnage, stroking the hood of his car with one talon, giving the paint job a quick once-over.

"Nice; not a scratch." he complimented.

""I could care less about the vehicle, turian." Javik told him, walking past and towards the gangsters. "I was focused on not being killed by your stupid ideas. SHall I rip off their arms, or just the hands?"

"Uh, neither!" Garrus removed his shades and shot him a shocked look. "We need them to have both of those in order to cuff them!"

"Fair enough." the prothean grumbled.

And so the generally peaceful morning became the start of another typical day for two of NPD's finest.


	2. Office Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, any information on center spacing would be really great.

"Ladies and gentlemen-" Garrus removed his hands from behind his back to reveal his prize"-I bring the gift of coffee! Both levo, and dextro!"

The only reaction from the busy precinct was the sound of Kasumi whistling and cheering from her post down the hall. Mandibles spread in a wide grin, he deposited the coffee mix in the lousy excuse for a kitchen they had, and set a pot of the levo stuff to boil(humans seemed to need coffee more than turians). He took the can of cherry coke out of his pocket, flipped it in one hand, and made his approach down to tech support.

"Kasuuuumiiii." he crooned, knocking on her stall. The tiny Japanese woman stuck her head out, her headset sliding off slightly. He dangled the soda in his talons for her to see, and she gasped with delight. "I got your favorite!"

"Aww, Garrus!" she took her personal kryptonite eagerly. "Who are you trying to butter up this time?"

"What makes you think I'm trying to butter anyone up?" he asked innocently. "I can't just pay a visit to my favorite techy?"

"Are you trying to avoid Mt. Awkward again?" she asked plainly, popping the soda open.

"Liara at it again?" he asked in a hushed voice. Kasumi nodded as she downed her coke. Garrus leaned out the tech room, and eyeballed Javik's desk. The prothean was cleaning his sidearm, and there was the coroner's assistant, Liara T'soni, leaning over him, likely trying to get more information about his people out of him. Garrus rolled his eyes. Javik never spoke about his people. And he was completely ignoring the crush the rookie autopsy gremlin obviously had on him.

"Why doesn't she just give up already?" he shook his head and ducked back into the 'techy cave', as they called it. "I hear Officer Alenko has a thing for her, why doesn't she try him out?"

"Because, I think Feron likes her, too." Kasumi told him, whispering as if sharing a secret. The turian made a face. "And rumor has it, she might be turning her interests in his direction soon."

"Feron the Forgetful? Really?" the detective shook his head. "I'm sorry, but if he ever scores a girl that good-looking, I'll eat my own foot."

"Which one?"

"I've got two left ones; it doesn't really matter."

"Vakarian, Javik!" a female voice shouted clear enough to be heard from both ends of the precinct. "My office! NOW!"

"Tell my story." he asked solemnly, leaving her side. Javik was already waiting with the Chief(he swore, the guy could teleport or something), and he took a deep breath before striding in.

"Chief!" her bellowed, arms spread wide. "I have to say, you look ravishing this morning! What's that perfume I smell?"

"Your doom." she responded, eyes narrowed. And just like that, the turian's usual fire was gone. "Sit."

"Is this about letting Javik kneecap that one guy? Because he totally deserved it; he's been good all week, I swear. Plus, they guy was running-"

"Shut up, Detective." the turian's jaw shut with a snap. Javik sat silently, hands in his lap. "I thought I made it clear last week that you were to cut back on your 'destroy everything' routine."

"When you are chasing a perpetrator, the status of objects are of little concern." Javik leered. "I fail to see why I should worry about breaking a wall when there is filth sheltering behind it."

"Because someone owns that wall; they paid for it, and when you break it, someone has to rebuild it. With money. Out of our pockets." Interim Chief Julia Shepard dug her fingers into her forehead as if she had a headache, and looked up at the prothean with a tired expression on her face. "Haven't we had this conversation before, Javik?"

"Twenty-seven times and counting, Chief." Garrus supplied cheerily.

"You aren't much better." she glared at him. "You father has been suggesting we suspend you to teach you a lesson!"

Garrus flinched like he'd been struck. His only point of weakness, that most knew about, was Head Detective Vakarian Sr. It well known they didn't get along well together. It was often thought that they borderline hated each other, and the only clue they were related was the fact they had the same colony markings.

"And I've been considering taking him up on that offer." Chief Shepard continued. "But fortunately for you, I've thought of something better."

"Better than not having to listen to his grating music for half the day?" Javik asked, blinking his top set of eyes. He'd made it very clear that he hated the way his partner blared the classic pop channel on his corvette's radio at all times.

"Yes." Shepard smiled serenely(like a crocodile would), and killed Garrus' day. "No more high-profile cases for the rest of the month. That should make it easy to avoid any more property damage. Good-day, gentlemen."

"Now wait just a-" Garrus squawked as Javik grabbed him by the cowl and dragged him out of the office.

"Send Nihlus in after you!" she called, giving a tiny pleasant wave. Garrus just stared as Javik released him-conveniently next to Nihlus' desk- at the Chief. 'No high-profile cases? What's wrong with her!?' He thought other, nastier things that couldn't be put in this fanfiction as she grinned at him like that evil queen from Alice in Wonderland. No high-profile cases... meant dealing with the work nobody else wanted to do. Fetching(he shuddered) warrants, organizing case files!

Teaching the new bloods how not to shoot their feet off!

"Problems with the Chief?" Nihlus asked sympathetically.

"She's the devil." he murmured in disbelief.


End file.
